I hesitate to write anything more about my ongoing struggle to find a formula that doesn’t make Gaia
a) fussy
b) gassy
c) have excessive diarrhea
d) constipated
e) break out in a rash
f) all of the above
until we’ve finally locked down a bonafide solution. For the purposes of this post all you need to know is that our current formula seems to have solved the majority of our concerns save for the fact her diarrhea is so excessive it’s like her baby bum is a rusted tap in an old farm house that persistently sputters out brown water. Don’t worry, you don’t have to thank me for the visual. Today she was sitting in her Bumbo, happily playing, when she let out a series of farts. As I always do post fart I stopped what I was doing and approached her to survey the scene. The smell seemed to confirm a poop, but I picked her up to be sure. Instantly my hands felt wet. I turned her around to see a gigantic skid mark that traveled up her back and culminated in a diarrhea splatter on her neck. I can only surmise that the force of her farts caused her brown water poo to shoot up and out of her diaper like a glorious, disgusting baby poo fountain. Needless to say the damage control was extensive and included anti-bacterial soap, a washing machine, no less the twelve wipes, a shower nozzle, a wash cloth and an entirely new outfit. On the plus side the dog saw fit to lick the Bumbo clean for me while I was washing myself and Gaia. Like a revolting and hairy Mother’s helper she is. Now if I can just remember to be extra diligent in my attempts to keep the dog’s mouth away from the baby for the next few days we’ll be just fine.
Oh and if reading this post made you feel uncomfortable or cause you to mutter a serious of judgmental “ewwws” at any point please take a moment to remind yourself… this is my life.
Oh dear. And to think, I thought a three-cloth-poo was something to brag about. UP TO HER NECK?? Wow.
ReplyDeleteRevolting is right.
I can't stop laughing when I imagine the scene-- but I'm laughing with you out of empathy, not at you. I hate having to deal with megapoos without backup. My critical thinking goes out the window and I freeze like, "If I go wet another cloth, she's gonna stick her hand in it, but if I don't get another cloth I can't clean her!"
Here's a quick story to cheer you up:
One day, my oldest brother was bathing his son, C, while my sister-in-law was out for the evening. He rarely had to deal with such duties on his own and so when C floated a log in the tub, my brother panicked. After freaking out for a couple minutes, he fished the poo out with a Houston Pizza cup they use for rinsing hair, but then couldn't decide what to do. Knowing he couldn't leave C alone in the tub, he got him out into a towel. He still could not figure out what to do with the poo. Finally he thinks, "Where does the dog poo? Outside!" so he takes the poo in a cup and my nephew in a towel out to the flower bed and dumps the poo. Not wanting their dog to do exactly what your pooch did, he buried it.
P.S.
ReplyDeleteThe Lalabee's Bottom Balm (http://healthzone.shoptoit.ca/shop/product--catId_1001022__locale_en__productId_7754247.html ) does an excellent job of keeping diaper rash at bay when dealing with wet, constant poos. If she does get diaper rash and you don't have cream, you might want to take her to a clinic to see if they will give you a compounding prescription for 1% hydrocortizone and monistat.