My View

I admit it. I watch a lot of daytime TV. Let’s call it a personality quirk that’s developed since Gaia was born. Ellen is my favourite, obviously. I mean, who doesn't love Ellen? Oprah’s hit or miss and lately I find myself frustrated more than entertained. Occasionaly I tolerate Dr. Phil... barely. I tune into The View mainly because I love a good bitch fight. Yeah, I said bitch fight. I’m fully aware that last statement violates the very principles the show is founded on by trivialising the opinions of a “diverse” group of woman. Still. You gotta love the faux drama and the way a heated political debate ends with smiles as these woman, who obviously despise each other, come together to promote the latest mass market audience giveaway. But I digress. I promised myself I wouldn’t write about daytime TV, but here it is. I found Friday's episode of The View extremely interesting. It probably helped that Barbara wasn’t there. That woman drives me crazy.

Most interesting was Kirby Dick and Mike Rogers who were on promoting Outrage, their new documentary. I had a number of problems with their point of view. Firstly, I am a huge supporter of equal rights for all. My general belief is that I don’t have any right to tell another human being how they should live their life nor do I want to. It comes down to the golden rule really. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Live and let live and so on. In that vein I have a major issue with people being ‘outed’ without their consent. Although I eagerly consume the trashy celebrity gossip posted by Perez Hilton, it has never sat right with me when he goes after closeted celebs in passionate attempts to get them to claim their sexual orientation. Frankly, if someone chooses to keep that very personal aspect of their life private I feel it’s their right to do so. As far as I’m concerned ‘outing’ them without their permission is at best a gross invasion of privacy and at worst a case of full blown harassment. Now, I understand that the makers of this film and many others who call for closeted public figures to out themselves are concerned primarily with the message their staying in the closet sends. I understand the arguments around creating a perception of shame through secrecy and the like. Now I do generally agree that the more people who publically claim their sexuality the more accepted sexual diversity will be. I absolutely applaud figures like Ellen* who make a choice to be public with their personal lives and I have no doubt that she continues to inspire people every day to be true to themselves and live their lives unashamed. I just don’t think that anyone has the right to force someone to be that kind of public figure and make that kind of statement. In the case of Dick and Rogers the justification for this invasion of privacy is the journalistic intent to expose the hypocrisy they felt was inherent in the often anti-gay policies of the closeted politicians. This included policies against gay marriage and votes against gays in the military. In all my years watching The View I never thought I’d say this, but at one point in the interview I had to agree with Elisabeth. She notes that politicians really shouldn’t be making their decisions based on personal preference. Isn’t the point of having a representative in government that you believe your elected officials will do what’s best for the country and not what’s best for them personally? All I kept thinking throughout the interview was I’m straight... does that mean I should be persecuted for believing, quite passionately I might add, in gay rights? Criticised for not having a “straight enough” point-of-view? Were I politician, should I be making decisions based on my sexual orientation or what I really believe is right? What I find troubling about Washington politics is not the abundance of gay men voting against gay rights, but the fact that gay rights are being voted against at all. By anyone. Perhaps journalists should be attempting to get to the real root of the problem and discover why a country and a large portion of its people seem so content to repeatedly deny people their basic rights as citizens and human beings. A very large part of me believes that these public witch hunts just set the gay rights movement back by continuing to make a person’s sexuality an issue. While sometimes I do wish that every public gay figure would have the courage to proclaim their sexuality proudly and publically in the hopes of both acting as role models and bringing awareness part of me also wonders if focussing on a person’s sexual orientation at all is the problem. Perhaps if society could truly make sexual orientation a non-issue by allowing people to live as they choose (gay, straight or otherwise) without feeling the need to declare it then gay rights wouldn’t be an issue at all, instead rights for all would just be a given and sexual differences less sensationalised.



Sarah Symonds, a serial mistress, was also on promoting her book Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Woman. I found her extremely articulate and intelligent, especially in the face of some serious push back from the hosts. Frankly I applaud her, although I do find the fact she wrote a book a little trite. I feel for the “other woman”. I’ve never been with a married man myself but I do have friends who have. At the end of the affair these friends are always left crushed by the emotional minefield they’ve been in and seem to be universally hated and judged. As far as I’m concerned, no one has any right to judge the mistress. Sometimes I think people forget who they took their vows with. I know it’s easier to hate a stranger then someone you love, but the mistress didn’t really do anything wrong. She’s made no promises and broke no vows. I’d like to think that if my husband ever cheated on me I’d be strong enough to place the blame on him and not villianize his mistress. I’d also like to think that I’d take a look at myself and the role I might have played in his affair. I can’t help but wonder what goes on in a marriage where one partner feels the need to look elsewhere for companionship. All the men I know who have cheated have been with women who ran the gamut from emotionally distant to manipulative to just plain mean. I also know more than a few women who withhold sex at the drop of a hat or forget they have a partner at all as soon as their children are born. Now I’m not saying anyone deserves the kind of betrayal implicit when one partner cheats or trying to trivialise the pain that affairs cause. I just feel that there are two sides to every story. Or three sides I guess, in the case of an affair.

Finally, Sharlene Azam was on talking about her book and film Oral Sex is the New Good night Kiss. I don’t think I need to say too much on this except that it is extremely upsetting, as a new mother to a baby girl, to hear about the prevalence of young girls becoming sexually promiscuous. I’ve been seeing more and more stories like this in daytime TV and reading up on new trends like sexting. It absolutely breaks my heart. Like many of society’s ills I feel it all comes down to a lack of self-confidence in our youth. I want to believe that I'll raise a truly confident daughter who will not engage in this type of behaviour, but I can’t stop worrying about the fact that she will grow up in a culture where overt teenage sexuality is the norm.

If you’re interested in watching Sarah Symonds or Sharlene Azam on The View you can see the full episode on ABC.com or specific interviews here.

* Speaking of Ellen, her commencement speech at the Tulane University in New Orleans was equal parts funny and inspiring. I love her.