What's the Opposite of Cuddly?

* UPDATED MAY 19, 2009 (10:41PM)

If it’s true you get what you deserve then I must have done something really special to deserve Gaia. I jokingly tell people she’s my reward for everything Jose and I went through in 2008. My reward for staying positive and not falling apart while struggles were casually and repeatedly tossed our way. She really is a wonderful baby. After the initial “getting to know you” stage and a few rough nights she’s barely cried in the past month and a half (save for a few isolated instances of gastrointestinal distress). She loves long walks and shopping trips and chats over coffee. She’s also super social and seems to thrive on the outings where she’s passed to someone new to be fussed over every ten minutes. Her personality is such that if she wasn’t my baby I’d secretly wish she was. Finally, the piece de resistance, for the last two weeks she’s been... dare I say it?... sleeping though the night. That’s right. In just two months I have stumbled upon the holy grail of all new parents. Of course I fear that saying it out loud might jinx it but every night, without fail, she’s fast asleep by 10:30pm and doesn’t wake until around 10:30am for more than a single fifteen minute feeding at the seven-hour mark. Some days I feel drunk with rest. Add in the fact she’s been waking up laughing and frankly, I feel almost guilty for having it so good. I’m not actually naive enough to believe her demeanour has to do with anything other than luck but there is one crucial area where it seems I truly am getting what I deserve. Practically perfect in every way, sadly my newborn hates to cuddle. Sigh.

Of course I know I’m being “rewarded” in this instance for a lifetime of refusing to cuddle with my own mother but honestly, it’s devastating. Who doesn’t want to cuddle with their soft, sweet-smelling baby girl? If anything it’s a mother’s right and one that Gaia repeatedly denies me. After her first week of indulging me by napping lazily on my chest, Gaia quickly began refusing to be held close. My attempts at co-sleeping were laughable as she did everything but say “seriously Mama, you need to back off, I’m trying to sleep and you gazing at me lovingly is beyond annoying”. Her rolled eyes said it all. My excitement is palpable when she falls asleep during a feeding. I wait for her to go limp stretched out on her back across my arm and carefully, ever so slowly shift her to my chest so I can hold her close. I barely get a sniff of her perfect baby head and she’s wide awake, doing her best Stevie Wonder impression* as she frantically turns her head and tries to come up with an escape plan. In the morning while scooping her out of bed I almost get close enough to kiss her chubby cheek and she’s pushing me away. Didn’t think a two month old baby had the coordination or drive to push her mother’s face away? Mine does. And it’s not just cuddly naps and morning kisses she detests, she’s also doing everything in her power to prepare her little baby legs for walking, surely so someday very soon she can walk away from me. Pumping and kicking in continuous motion she reminds me of a wind-up toy being held above the ground. If I let her go I secretly fear she’d zip across the floor. Baby carriers that warn against the forward facing position for the under three-month set have obviously never met my child. I have to shirk the warnings in fear of her little baby wrath should I make her turn in towards me and miss the big wide world she’s so eager to explore. The list of ways she desperately tries to be independent doesn’t end. If I didn’t know better I’d swear I gave birth to a seven year old in the underdeveloped body of an infant.


* Just in case you needed a visual on the Stevie Wonder reference... enjoy.

I know some of you might find my heartbreak more then a little annoying. Even I wonder what right I have to complain since a newborn who isn't clingy enough is my biggest baby issue. Not to worry though, if I get what I deserve in the teenage years I’ve got a lot of sleepless nights ahead of me.

UPDATE: I just got an email from Momma Pants, my first (and thus far only) Mommy-friend. Apparently Gaia’s Stevie Wonder impression might be a sign she’s overtired. Thankfully it’s not just invaluable advice she’s doling out, I’m also the proud borrower of a magic swing that put Gaia to sleep for over three hours this afternoon. If you’re not lucky enough to have friends like her (or even if you are) make sure to read her blog – By the Seat of Mom’s Pants – I can’t imagine a more informed mother and, just your luck, she’s funny too.