Sad Bastard

In the quest to get my life organised before I head off to Peru for a length of time yet to be determined I’ve set to the task of cleaning out my iPod. Unfortunately there are far too many annoying one hit wonders from my club days and an alarming amount of weird yogic chats which I can only imagine must have been snuck on there when I dated an organic masseuse/art auctioneer for a few weeks during my first contract on cruise ships. Anyway, the point is, putting my iPod on shuffle is risky to say the least. And it’s not just crappy songs I’m getting rid of, the overhaul also includes a revamp of my playlists, deleting such gems as ‘Music to Distract You from That Creepy Guy on the Skytrain’ and ‘Pretending to Study’ (both actual playlists on my iPod, thankyouthankyou) and replacing them with things like ‘Tunes for my Baby Rockstar’ and ‘Spanglish – Songs Jose Will Listen To’. As you might have gleaned, I’m a big fan of playlists and had well over fifty of them at one point. Anyway, today I stumbled upon a playlist called ‘Sad Bastard’ that I’m pretty sure came to being circa mid 2007 when Jose and I were just starting what would become the year long on and off again soap opera known as our early dating life. Clearly I was full of pain and angst and if I remember correctly the playlist was on a constant loop in my cabin for a solid three months before my roommate gave me a particularly harsh ultimatum as I lay on the floor and wept. That being said, it’s full of beautiful, haunting songs and while it was created in the spirit of relationship drama I listened to it today and it fits my mood of rage over the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” fodder perfectly. Plus there are a few small rays of hope that snuck into the playlist proving that somewhere deep down I knew it work out all along. Just in case you’re in the mood for a good wallow I highly suggest these depressing little nuggets...

And yes... I'm aware this post smacks of highschool angst but it's good to languish in your own self pity now and then. Try it. You'll like it.

"You are a china shop and I am a bull/You are really good food and I am full/I guess everything is timing/I guess everything's been said/So I am coming home with an empty head."
--You Had Time by Ani Difranco

"If I was my heart I'd rather be restless/The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless/This ache in my chest as my day is done now/The dark covers me and I cannot run now."
-- Wake Up Alone by Amy Winehouse

"Haven't laughed this hard in a long time/I better stop now before I start crying/Go off to sleep in the sunshine/I don't want to see the day when it's dying."
-- Twilight by Elliot Smith

"You are my sweetest downfall/I loved you first, I loved you first."
-- Samson by Regina Spektor

"You don't have to lie about where you've been/We both know you've been schemin'/So why don't you give your little voice a rest/Climb on up inside my bed and just pretend you need me?"
-- Stay by Coal

"And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking and part of this terrible mess that you're making/But me, I'm the catalyst."
-- Catalyst by Anna Nalick

"I drink good coffee every morning/Comes from a place that's far away/And when I'm done I feel like talking/Without you here there is less to say."
-- I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hey

"I want to be a good woman/And I want, for you to be a good man/This is why I will be leaving/And this is why, I can’t see you no more."
-- Good Woman by Cat Power

"Don't know why I'm still afraid/If you weren't real I would make you up now."
-- Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur

"Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth/Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs/Speak no feeling no I don't believe you/You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit."
-- Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

"And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself/That these feelings are in the past/No it doesn't mean they're off the shelf/Because pain's built to last/Everybody sails alone."
-- Heal Over by KT Tunstall

"I am stil dreaming of you face/Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away/I don't want to be your good time/I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore."
-- Santa Monica by Everclear

"Mess up my bed with me/Kick off the covers I'm waiting/Every word you say I think I should write down/Don't want to forget come daylight."
-- Paperweight by Joshua Radin (with Schuyler Fisk)

"Leave me out with the waste this is not what I'd do/It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you/It's the wrong time for somebody new/It's a small crime and I've got no excuse."
-- 9 Crimes by Damien Rice (ft. Lisa Hannigan)

PS. I’m also keeping ‘Shake That Ass’ which is probably the best workout mix ever made. Bar none.